Hurt

I have been hurt--
she does not even clearly understand
what she has done.

She is blind to the view from my eyes.
I am wrong and there is no other side of that coin,
that tarnished and beaten coin.

What arrogance?
What perverse arrogance causes her to feel
as if she is so close to perfection
that she can rest
completely blameless
of all consequence?

I see no way of fixing it
other than to just do the thing
that hurts me the most:
to smile, and laugh, and appear happy, and cheerful
--and all the while suffer inside.
I spent many years doing this, trying
to salvage
a relationship that I had no real ability to affect.

I don't know how long it will take
or what I will I can find
to force myself down into that hell again.

I don't have to know her.
She makes it obvious
that her happiness
Is over-abundant. A cup of
Sweet sweet
Nectar
Easily flowing over.
Without me, or my family
That is hurt in of itself.
The bold "I don't need you."

She talks about this person
Who is to good to her
and is such a fine person
and that person who is
so loving and
unconditionally
understanding.

She seeks out the easy relations
in life. I have never been that.
I will never be that.

It is easy to love
Those who are easy to love.
She makes her deposit,
And expects her return
with interest.
Compounded daily.